Little girls with migraines

Mommy my head hurts. Here baby let me give you some medicine. OK mommy. Mommy my head still hurts. I'm sorry baby. Try to get some sleep. Here is an ice pack for your head. OK mommy. These are words I have had to say to my daughter a lot lately. We finally heard back from her doctor. They told us to go to the ER if she wasn't doing better. So guess where we ended up last night. That's right the ER. We sat there for an hour before the doctor and nurse came to see us. We weren't really in a room either we were in the quick room. The room they put you in for a quick visit. The doctor talked to us for a few minutes and told us what they were going to do for her. 2 shots and steroids. After that we were sent home. I kept her home today because she was still tired. All she wanted was to sleep. I totally understand because I am that way too. I hate that my daughter has this disease too. Maybe I'll write a book about Little Girls with Migraines.

Death part 2

Death such a taboo subject. It happens all the time. It doesn't matter the time of day or night. It doesn't matter your age, your gender, sexuality, color, or your religious beliefs. It doesn't care whether or not you have a family or friends when it strikes. It happens and people close to you have to get over it by time. But time right now doesn't seem to want to my healing to go fast. I miss my bff Erin to pieces. I miss her eight million text messages in a row, I miss her random phone calls about her husband, and most of all I am going to miss her birthday post for me. No one knows why death strikes but it does. Everyone will question why it happens and why it hits the people it does. I would love to know why but like the song says, "Only God knows Why."

The nightmare that is 5 years old

The nightmare that is 5 years old...I miss the joys of having a toddler. Now I have a whiny, fussy, bitchy and pissy 5 year old. I can't be nice when I describe her right now. One minute she will be fine then all hell breaks lose and IT'S FREAKING MELTDOWN TIME. Don't get me wrong I love her and the little person she is turning into. But her moodiness can almost drive you to drink. She make her sister and I look calm during our period weeks... She doesn't eat a whole meal, she will graze, which would be alright if she didn't tell us 10 minutes after dinner she wants bread or dessert. Now there are some meals that she will eat, eat and eat more but the next time you make it you get the face. The OH MY GOD HOW COULD YOU FEED THIS TO ME FACE. My favorite thing I hear from her is "Can I just have a Lunchable?" I try not to blow my lid but I always think to myself child I slaved over the hot stove, the oven or the grill to make this meal!! NOW EAT IT. Getting dressed for the day is fun too. She will try to negotiate what she wants to wear. Some days I give in and let her stay in her pj's for days cause hell I'm in mine too. Means less laundry for me. But on the days she has school she wants stay in the outfit from yesterday or wear something that she wore earlier in the week. I will spare everyone the nightmare which is her taking a bath or shower. God forbid she gets her hair wet or water in her ear but if we are at the pool or playing in the water there is no problem.

Drowning

Lately I feel like I'm drowning. I have so much going on in my head. I really don't know if I'm coming or going. E doesn't ever want to stop she keeps going and going. If I'm not dealing with her I'm dealing with A. She thinks that I'm the worst mom in the world well if only she would look at the big picture or at my mom. Then there is K since he doesn't drive I'm the one driving him back and forth to work. Which wouldn't be an issue if he worked the day shift. I hardly ever get me time. Or even time with my husband. It gets old. To make things worse I feel like my medication doesn't seem to be working. I know it is but it seems like it's not. I'm stressed about everything. I hate driving now. I can't stand driving now. I hate going to Wal-Mart. I have get pissy when I take the dogs out too. I love animals but it seems like I'm drowning. No one really helps when it comes to my dog. I deal with K's dog every night he's at work and I get fussed at if I ask him to walk mine. It is beyond old. GRRR!!

All my life

All of my life I have dreamed of becoming a writer. I use to write poems, short stories, adult stories, and children's stories. I write what I feel. I write to whomever I feel like too. It all started when I was little. I always had an over active imagination so it was easy to write little stories for school or for family and friends. As I got older I thought I wanted to be a journalist but as I grew up I changed my mind. Since I've grown I've been writing stories that interest me. I have written a children's book that I am hoping I can get published if I get lucky. I know if I ever sent off some of my adult stories they would get published.

Death part 1

Death has hit again. I lost another one of my best friends. She had fought cancer for years. She was tough and brave. Fought with every breath she had. She has left behind a husband and 2 children. I met her when my oldest started playing football. We built a friendship that was always there. It didn't matter what either one of us needed we knew we could call, text, and message each other on Facebook and once upon a time on MySpace. Our last text messages were about her UTI that she developed. It was her 1st one ever. I wish we would have texted more I really do. I saved all of those text messages. I have reread them a thousand times. She had on funeral and they are having another one in June. I wish I was going but I need to be home for our youngest and her namesake lil Erin. How do you explain to a 5 year old that big Erin is gone? She knows about God and Jesus because of animals that we have lost. I miss her so much. I miss seeing her posts about the weather and going shopping (which she hated). Life goes on and the pain gets duller but right now it is still fresh and it hurts.

Thirty-eight

Thirty-eight is the number of years that I've been on this planet. Thirty-eight years of being me. I feel like I've done nothing in those thirty-eight years. I've had a handful of jobs, fired from half of them, let go from one cause I wasn't needed, and had to leave another due to my health. Now I sit at home with our daughter when she's home from school. Thirty-eight years...I've had a few serious boyfriends and about half of them have died on me. One was a car accident, one was my 1st husband and that was due to illness, and then there's the 3rd one. He died because he didn't wear a helmet on his 4 wheeler. So in thirty-eight years I've had 6 boyfriends. 3 are still here... Thirty-eight years I've been a burden on my parents. No matter how much I care about or take care of them they both treat me the same. I have siblings that are busy which I expect but a phone call or a text would be nice. Thirty-eight years and I have a very few best friends. Most of them I've known from grade school. Some are newer but they know me well. Thirty-eight years I've had 3 children (one when I was 17, one when I was 19 and the last when I was 34) and 1 miscarriage. I've buried one husband and I met and fell in love with another. Thirty-four years is the total of years I lived in Alaska. We had to move to Missouri thanks to my health. I've never had my own house, at the age of thirty-two I finally got my 1st new car. Lately I've been trying to figure out what I am here for and I'm not sure if I will ever figure that out. I know most people do not. It sucks some days well most I feel like I'm a waste of space. But if you ask family or friends I'm not.