postpartum depression

It looks like I'm suffering from postpartum depression. I don't want to go to the doctor because I don't want to be put on drugs. I'm trying to breast feed our peanut and I don't want those medications going into her system. My pregnancy was anything but easy. My blood pressure landed me in Providence for 3 almost 4 weeks. I had to have a C-Section thanks to my bp going way up. Peanut was a month early and is very healthy. I think I'm having postpartum depression because I didn't get to carry her until our due date. We got robbed of it thanks to my body. I'm very grateful that we had her in time for me to come home to see my sister graduate but I would have rather carried her until she was due. She is growing bigger and stronger everyday. I just hope I can do the same. My scar is healing and I'm not in as much pain I'm just not me right now. I've read everything I can find on PPD and I'm learning any all signs of a bad day. I've only had a few and I'm hoping it gets better over time. Actually I know it will...