Unfair

Lately I've been unfair to my husband. He's gone back to school and I am so proud of him for that I know how hard it is for him. I yell, I cry, I say things that I don't mean and I am pretty sure that I am suffering from postpartum depression. I know I need to go to the doctor. I seem happy one minute and upset and unloving the next. I love my husband with all of my heart but I don't seem to be over our loss in 2011. We were 8 weeks pregnant when we found out that the baby was gone. It was so hard for me to get over it. Luckily in October of 2012 we found out we were pregnant again. Part of me was so happy but another part was scared that I was going to lose the baby again. I think that stress helped my blood pressure go up. I was commented to Providence hospital in Anchorage, AK on April 14th. I carried our daughter until May 7th when they decided to take the baby via c-section. I was so scared the whole time I was there. We got lucky because my husbands work let him take time off and after his time was done they let him work down in Anchorage. The baby was healthy and still is. We moved to Missouri in September and stuff started feeling funny in my head. My husband had to go back to Alaska to get our house ready for renting while he was there it caught fire. Well I should say someone broke in and burned it down. We are still waiting for our insurance company to pay off. Back to the funny feeling in my head. I started having weird thoughts. Thoughts of hurting myself. I never have hurt myself and I never will but I think to be fair to my family I need to be checked out. I have never really told my husband what is going on in my head because I am scared that he will leave me. He has told me over and over again that he wont but I can't help but be scared. I love my family and my husband more then they know but when they fight it rips me apart. I know my kids love their step-dad but the fighting is killing me. Not sure if anyone is going to read this but this seems to have helped me to get it all out.