Why??

Why can't I cry? I have known you for so long. We went through alot together and you were always like a brother. I close my eyes at night and I hear your voice I know your sister does too. You were there when I needed help. Hell you gave me money to get my kids food when their dad disappeared for a week. I know you are in a better place but you left a giant hole in our lives. I'm going to have a hard time actually believing your gone. I am not suppose to be older then you!! And once I turn 36 (in 2 years) I will be. I hate that. I hate knowing that you will never know your youngest son or hold your grandchildren when the boys have some. I felt the same way when Cliff & Scott died. But you were special. We love ya and yo will always be on our minds.

How do you...

How do you protect your children from heartbreak? From feeling the hurt of other children's mean words? What happened to this world were children bully each other online... When I was younger I was called names but I didn't try to kill myself or go to the school & shoot the bullies. Why as parents have we lost the right to punish our children when they do wrong. I still punish mine. Now back to heartbreak how do we stop our children from feeling it. I truly have one wish for my children. I wish they would find happiness with someone special.

The past few weeks

The past few weeks have taken a toll on me. One of my best friends is on life support scheduled to be taken off on Saturday. He has two son's one is 15 years old and the other is a little over a year old. He was in a 4 wheeler accident. It has been extremely hard on his family. His mom, dad, and sister all love him very much. I have known the family since I was a little girl. He & his sister have been there for me when other's have been too busy or they didn't like my 1st husband. Hell I had my son on their mom's birthday. They still haven't been able to top that. :-D I am not sure how I am suppose to feel. All I can hear in my head is him saying Hey Penelope and I always replied Hey Mathew David. I know I will miss that so much. I never knew how much I would miss that until I got the news about him. Yes I moved but I always knew if I went back to Alaska I would more then likely run into him and he would say Hey Penelope. One of my 1st thoughts when I heard about his accident was I hope someone got his hat. I always stole them from him and wore them when we were in high school. Did I mention that we dated a few times...I really do have mixed feeling about him dying. I have had so many of my friends die of the past few years and most of them are my guy friends. It kind of worries me. I do know that once again I will have to say good bye to someone I love but this one will be the hardest because I wont be doing it in Alaska I'll have to post it on Facebook which is far from good for me but with life right now it's hard to do anything with no money. Hell I wont even make it to my own brother's wedding which is a bummer. So to end this story I have to say "Hey Mathew David make sure you give Zebo and Nikki a hug & a kiss for me."