Depression

My mind has sunk into a depression. I'm not sure if it is from my new medication, lack of sleep well a restful sleep, or stress of the holidays. All I know is I want it gone. Bad thoughts are trying to consume me but I am fighting them off as best as I can but it seems like all I do is fight. I fight my depression, my anxiety, my migraines, and my body daily. I am not sure how much more I can take of this. I'm thinking I may need to take a vacation a vacation to a mental hospital...but I am sure next week or possibly even tomorrow I will feel better. I just hope it happens soon.

Rant!! OK more like Rants!!

Rant #1: I am so sick of people posting how damn horrible the police are!! They are devils if you listen. Shit I use to feel the same way about them but I grew up in a drug ring ran by my damn mom and step dad. My 1st husband was a drug dealer, gun runner, and a drunk so I know a few things about the cops. But I also know that they don't use deadly force unless they have too. They don't go out and say well hell I'm going to kill someone today to make my life easier. Has anyone stopped and thought about how the police officers feel about having to kill someone. One of my good friends is married to a police officer. He risks his life everyday all day even when he is off duty. He has 2 young boys that look up to him he almost lost his K9 partner when a suspect stabbed the poor dog. I have also noticed that people are bitching and complaining about fireman and paramedics. Cheese & crackers people give them a break they risk theirs to save your asses. I am actually thankful for the 911 teams if it wasn't for them I would be a widow for the second time. Rant #2: Animal abusers!! They piss me off more then the damn anti-police people. What the hell did the animal ever do to you?? All they want is someone to love them and take care of them. Not beat them to near death and sometimes to death. I am so tired of reading about how kids ganged up on a poor puppy who just wanted to play & broke the poor things jaw. Or when people throw their unwanted animals over overpasses or into rivers. Take the damn things to an animal shelter or drop them off at a vet. Don't beat it or kill it. Then there are the assholes that ruined PIT BULLS for everyone. BSL laws need to go away. I have had pit bulls most of my life. They are loveable, protective, sweet animals. One of my pit bulls would climb up my children's slide and watch the yard. She never hurt anyone. The breed didn't do anything to anyone it was the owners that taught them to be that way. All dogs are capable of biting, attacking and yes killing someone not just Pitties, Rotties, German Shepards or dobbies. Most little dogs are more likely to attack, bite and kill someone then big dogs. All animals are capable of killing someone. Rant #3: If someone says hey I got approved for disability for my very real and suffer illness other people don't need to start jumping all over them saying well I've been sicker for longer why didn't I get approved. Shit I never thought I would be approved on my 1st try but I was. I've suffered with my illness for the past 23 years. I've gone to countless doctors, specialists, and ER's so I had more then enough doctors stating yes she has this issue. All the other medical issues were looked at too. So why can't they just say hey that is cool not you suck or you shouldn't get it. I have not told very many people that I got approved until now...

Once again

Once again I can't sleep. The past few days have been hard on me. I keep thinking about how we met (the second time). I remember walking thru the door of the Refinery Bar and seeing you leaning on the bar talking to Ryan. I stood there for a minute watching you waiting for you to get me in. All I could think is I could spend the rest of my life with that man even though he's a Jeff Gordon fan. 😁 the 5th anniversary of our second meeting it coming up and with all of your health issues I still know that I could spend the rest of my life with you and Gordon is starting to win me over but I won't say that out loud...GO DALE JR!!!🏆

Would you

Would you give your life to save someone you love? I would. As many of you know my husband was in a horrific motorcycle accident in August. We went to a cardiac appointment yesterday and he possibly has Long QT Syndrome. We will find out more in a few days. For people who don't know what that is it can cause dangerous arrhythmias and sudden death if it's not treated. I lost a husband in 2009 due to MRSA. I cannot handle losing another one. So right now I am sitting in limbo. I am trying not to stress, spill the beans on Facebook, or blow my lid with his family. It's damn near impossible...All I want is answers and we wont have any for a few days. So until them I have to stay calm and not blow. This maybe harder then I thought....