Thirty-eight

Thirty-eight is the number of years that I've been on this planet. Thirty-eight years of being me. I feel like I've done nothing in those thirty-eight years. I've had a handful of jobs, fired from half of them, let go from one cause I wasn't needed, and had to leave another due to my health. Now I sit at home with our daughter when she's home from school. Thirty-eight years...I've had a few serious boyfriends and about half of them have died on me. One was a car accident, one was my 1st husband and that was due to illness, and then there's the 3rd one. He died because he didn't wear a helmet on his 4 wheeler. So in thirty-eight years I've had 6 boyfriends. 3 are still here... Thirty-eight years I've been a burden on my parents. No matter how much I care about or take care of them they both treat me the same. I have siblings that are busy which I expect but a phone call or a text would be nice. Thirty-eight years and I have a very few best friends. Most of them I've known from grade school. Some are newer but they know me well. Thirty-eight years I've had 3 children (one when I was 17, one when I was 19 and the last when I was 34) and 1 miscarriage. I've buried one husband and I met and fell in love with another. Thirty-four years is the total of years I lived in Alaska. We had to move to Missouri thanks to my health. I've never had my own house, at the age of thirty-two I finally got my 1st new car. Lately I've been trying to figure out what I am here for and I'm not sure if I will ever figure that out. I know most people do not. It sucks some days well most I feel like I'm a waste of space. But if you ask family or friends I'm not.

Over it!!

I am so over my family being how they are. My husband is being a big baby about everything. Our oldest daughter's prom is in a month & a half & he is being a baby about the dress that she wants. I look at it this way it's only $99 it could be worse. My in laws keep demanding rent money. We do almost everything in the house. We have no say in anything here. I wanted to add a baby gate to the back porch but I got told no. My daughter wanted a newer car. Her grandfather flew down from Alaska and got her a 02 VW Beetle that is a 5 speed which she's never driven before. My husband started giving her drivers lessons but she got impatient and I told her to take the car out and try to drive it without anyone well she did that and she has been driving it since last Sunday. Today however she tells me that she doesn't want it anymore because it's hard to drive. I about lost it. All everyone wants to do is bitch and complain and I get to listen but when I do my husband takes a nap then leaves because I was mean. I'm so over this!! I suffer from migraines, I'm having woman issues, and I suffer from chronic pain but I'm still going barley but I'm making it. Well I'm trying to. I tried to end my life a few weeks ago but God and my mother in law stopped me.

If I win...

I keep seeing people post on Facebook what they would do if they will the Powerball. Some of the people sound so stuck on themselves. I'm not trying to be rude but one person said they would leave their family & get a new one. Leaving the family to suffer. I would like to thing there is a special place in hell for that person. So with that being said here's what I would do. Well what we would do. 1. Pay off my school loans. 2. Pay my in laws houses off. 3. Fly my dad to the best doctors to get his health taken care of. 4. Pay off his house & buy him one close to us. 5. Believe it or not I'd get my mom a house and a caretaker. 6. Give my brother & sister money. 7. Pay off my best friends house. 8. Help friends get the cancer drugs they need. 9. Fly another best friend to where ever she wants to go with her family. 10. Buy my brother & sister in law a big rig & help them out of debt. 11. Pay for our kids college & help my friends pay for their kids college. 12. Of course buy us a house and cars. 13. Send our son in Alaska money. 14. Piss off my aunt & hire a great lawyer to help me buy my uncles house. 15. Get our daughter a car. 16. Help my father in law build a church of his dreams. 17. Give our other son start up money for his gaming. 18. Send my former in laws money to help them. 19. Build an animal rescue!! 20. Donate money to Wounded Warrior, all the animal shelters, to the VA's, to the Chris Kyle foundation, start a PTSD foundation, and homeless shelters.