Thirty-eight

Thirty-eight is the number of years that I've been on this planet. Thirty-eight years of being me. I feel like I've done nothing in those thirty-eight years. I've had a handful of jobs, fired from half of them, let go from one cause I wasn't needed, and had to leave another due to my health. Now I sit at home with our daughter when she's home from school. Thirty-eight years...I've had a few serious boyfriends and about half of them have died on me. One was a car accident, one was my 1st husband and that was due to illness, and then there's the 3rd one. He died because he didn't wear a helmet on his 4 wheeler. So in thirty-eight years I've had 6 boyfriends. 3 are still here... Thirty-eight years I've been a burden on my parents. No matter how much I care about or take care of them they both treat me the same. I have siblings that are busy which I expect but a phone call or a text would be nice. Thirty-eight years and I have a very few best friends. Most of them I've known from grade school. Some are newer but they know me well. Thirty-eight years I've had 3 children (one when I was 17, one when I was 19 and the last when I was 34) and 1 miscarriage. I've buried one husband and I met and fell in love with another. Thirty-four years is the total of years I lived in Alaska. We had to move to Missouri thanks to my health. I've never had my own house, at the age of thirty-two I finally got my 1st new car. Lately I've been trying to figure out what I am here for and I'm not sure if I will ever figure that out. I know most people do not. It sucks some days well most I feel like I'm a waste of space. But if you ask family or friends I'm not.